[0.0s] 🎵Music🎵
[30.0s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons, and Merry Christmas!
[42.1s] We're a D&D 5th Edition Actual Play Podcast, I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More, and with
[47.4s] me today is Amy More.
[49.7s] That was a beer opening.
[55.1s] Merry Christmas.
[57.3s] And also with us, and also with us, is Carla Johnson.
[65.6s] Happy Boxing Day for those in Canada and the Commonwealth nations that I believe all celebrate
[71.9s] Boxing Day.
[73.1s] And also to Americans, maybe they're trying to make it happen there.
[76.5s] I don't know.
[77.5s] Just like we made Black Friday.
[78.9s] Yeah, that's what I was thinking, we stole Black Friday, and by we I mean like corporate
[83.8s] conglomerates to try and sell us things.
[85.9s] So, maybe it worked the same.
[89.6s] Let me keep going on about my anti-consumerism message.
[93.5s] That's what this podcast is about, right?
[94.5s] How many Christmas presents have you bought in December?
[96.5s] I spilled a lot of beer on myself.
[99.4s] And waiting ever so patiently, Tom Laird.
[102.9s] Yeah, I don't have any fun sound effects or any anti-something or other stances to
[108.2s] make, so, hey everybody!
[110.5s] Welcome and hopefully everybody's Christmas is fantastic and was fantastic and...
[115.3s] Hanukkah too.
[116.3s] Hanukkah and Kwanzaa.
[117.3s] Well, all of them, the whole day in Kit and Kaboodle.
[120.4s] And winter solstice.
[122.3s] Winter solstice, all of those things, all of those things in the morning.
[127.2s] And we're doing different things today, special Christmas, New Year's type special
[134.3s] things, which we'll get to in just a moment, but first we have a dedication to one of
[139.4s] our lovely patrons.
[141.4s] And today's dedication is to Dylan Powell.
[144.8s] Hey Dylan, thanks.
[146.7s] You're awesome.
[147.7s] Thank you, Dylan.
[149.3s] If you would like to find out more about our Patreon community, who are having a fantastic
[154.0s] time with us over there, Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast is the place to go and
[160.6s] check it out.
[161.6s] You know what we do have going on that we can mention is an end of year sale
[165.8s] in our T-Public store going on.
[167.5s] Oh, that's fun.
[168.5s] That's fun.
[169.5s] There's some fun stuff there.
[171.6s] T-Public does a whole bunch of sales and it's like all of T-Public and they're like,
[175.8s] you can just sell it as your own.
[177.0s] But this one we lined up especially for our store, so it's just us and maybe some
[184.1s] other people who signed up for it, but mostly just us.
[187.0s] Disregard all that anti-consumerist stuff that I said.
[190.4s] What I meant was the best thing you can do is buy some things at T-Public from
[197.2s] your favorite podcast.
[200.6s] And also, and also our podcast.
[203.0s] Ho!
[204.0s] Ho!
[205.0s] Way to play it cool there.
[208.0s] Self burn.
[209.0s] Yeah.
[210.0s] It's okay.
[211.0s] We didn't discuss the consumerist approach that we were going to take here in this
[212.7s] post winter solstice fever that we're all experiencing right now.
[219.7s] But that's all I got.
[220.8s] So fuck it.
[221.8s] Let's play D&D.
[222.8s] Yeah.
[223.8s] Let's do it.
[225.5s] So what we're doing here today.
[227.9s] We're diving deep into a certain character who was only around for 10 episodes.
[234.1s] God, it felt like a lifetime.
[237.3s] It did.
[239.2s] But we're digging deep into a little bit of Grantzis' backstory.
[243.0s] Oh boy.
[245.1s] Oh, Tom with the impression.
[247.9s] That was good.
[249.2s] That's right.
[250.2s] There's still Grantzis in All of Us, isn't there?
[252.4s] I mean, there really is.
[253.4s] That's what this whole holiday season is all about.
[255.4s] The Grantzis inside of All of Us.
[257.7s] I think I should say that there's Grantzis in All of Us, not inside of All of Us.
[262.7s] It just makes it seem too physical.
[267.1s] We open in a classroom.
[270.4s] There's a crest on the wall of a well-known wizarding school within Waterdeep, the El
[275.7s] Tortual Academy.
[278.8s] Seated among many other students, we see a young, bright-faced Grantzis Ashton studiously
[286.1s] writing down notes at a frantic pace, while on a desk beside him his mage hand is writing
[292.4s] out spell materials, components, and other directions in which to add them for the
[297.1s] spell being taught, Featherfall.
[300.6s] We see the instructor turn to the class and pose a question.
[304.9s] While the faces of many in the class look puzzled, Grantzis' hand shoots up fast
[310.4s] and high in the air, making those nearest to him scoff and roll their eyes as the wizard
[316.1s] at the front of the class calls upon him, allowing him to rattle off the verbal and
[320.5s] somatic gestures to perform a shield spell, leaping onto his desk as he does so.
[327.0s] And as he does, a student tosses a crumpled piece of parchment across the room at him
[332.2s] when Grantzis turns and stops it inches from hitting his face.
[337.0s] The instructor looks impressed but asks him to sit down.
[341.0s] I thought for sure he was going to produce a Patronus.
[347.6s] Side note, please let us know what Patronus you think Grantzis would have if he could
[353.4s] produce a Patronus if there was any Harry Potter cross.
[357.6s] Can a pancake be a Patronus?
[362.2s] I think it needs to be an animate object.
[367.1s] The next scene we see is a smiling and proud Grantzis standing at the front of his own class.
[375.1s] Eager, fresh-faced students filling the chamber before him as he welcomes them all
[379.9s] to the best class to learn about magic and mashed potatoes, giving a sly wink as
[386.1s] he begins a lengthy lecture on the studies of evocation.
[393.1s] At his home, Grantzis bounds up the snowy steps and bursts through the front door yelling,
[398.1s] honey, I'm home!
[401.1s] A very pregnant woman comes down the hall, wringing her hands on a dish towel, greeting
[405.4s] him with a big hug and kiss, and Grantzis says, oh Margie, you're the most beautiful
[410.2s] woman in all of Toriel.
[413.1s] I can't wait till we meet our little, little one, whore girl.
[420.1s] This is trying so hard not to laugh!
[428.1s] The home is decked out in winter solstice decorations.
[434.1s] We flash forward, but only a few days, to a windy night, and Grantzis is hurrying
[439.1s] a bundled Margie to a carriage, and they rush to the Guildhall of the Order.
[444.1s] Lightning crashes over the Guildhall, and we hear the sound of a baby cry out.
[452.1s] Inside, Grantzis is seen holding his newborn baby girl, and it looks like he's been
[459.1s] crying.
[460.1s] He says to the baby, you are the most beautiful girl in all of Toriel, Grantzis.
[468.1s] Your mama loves you so very much.
[472.1s] I promise to keep her alive in our hearts.
[480.1s] The scene fades, and it looks to be a few years later.
[486.1s] We see Grantzis in a similar classroom.
[490.1s] He's at the blackboard, furiously writing, calling out instructions.
[494.1s] A mage hand appears, and appears to be writing over top of previous directions
[499.1s] already given on the blackboard.
[501.1s] He turns and yells out to the class, if you can't keep up, you're never going
[505.1s] to make it.
[506.1s] He turns back to the blackboard, writing over top of what he was already writing,
[510.1s] mumbling to himself as he tries to remember what he was saying.
[516.1s] Later in the day, Grantzis is seated by himself in a tap, drinking a tall
[522.1s] mug of ale.
[524.1s] It's crowded in the tap.
[526.1s] He's looking down at the table when a page appears in front of him.
[531.1s] He looks up but doesn't see who might have left it in the frenzy of patrons.
[537.1s] Reading it out loud, he says, looking for adventure?
[542.1s] The cunning guard want you?
[545.1s] Me?
[546.1s] You.
[547.1s] Meet at the yawning portal tonight at midnight.
[552.1s] Grantzis arranges for his housemaid to watch Grantzine for the night, and heads
[557.1s] out to the yawning portal, where we see him sit down with three other patrons.
[563.1s] A long-haired male, who we recognize as Thaddeus Sicker-Crumuple.
[569.1s] An elven woman named Millie, Thaddeus' wife, and a burly fighter whom we
[578.1s] learn to be Romaine Brodsor.
[581.1s] The group has a discussion when we see a sparkle in Grantzis' eye.
[588.1s] The image fades to the door of Grantzis' classroom with a bunch of confused-looking
[593.1s] students.
[594.1s] As we see them step away, we see a sign that reads, gone fishing.
[601.1s] So the cunning guard go off as an upstart adventuring group.
[608.1s] So we need a couple quick scenes that we can either just talk about or quickly act
[614.1s] out, if we need to, probably just talk them through of some of the things that they got
[619.1s] up to, some of the hijinks that they got up to.
[623.1s] Well they probably do some really mundane stuff like caravan guarding, because that's
[629.1s] an entry-level adventure job, right?
[632.1s] It is.
[633.1s] It's paying your dues.
[635.1s] Exactly, exactly.
[637.1s] So we pick up with them and they're heading north to Luskin during a blustery, cold
[644.1s] winter day.
[646.1s] And as they are rounding a bend, they are attacked by hill people.
[652.1s] How did the hill people attack them there, Tom?
[655.1s] Well that's a real good question.
[658.1s] What are hill people like from The Hills Have Eyes?
[660.1s] That's kind of what I'm envisioning.
[662.1s] Some sort of chud that's come above ground.
[666.1s] So not underground, so like, we'll just change that to above ground.
[673.1s] It's a bunch of chads.
[674.1s] It's a bunch of chads, so why not?
[677.1s] I think they come at us with...
[681.1s] What was that, slingshots or a tiny bow and arrow?
[684.1s] A tiny bow and arrow.
[687.1s] They are hit by a barrage of tiny bows and arrows from these halfling hill people who
[693.1s] come over the bend.
[694.1s] Oh, I just run right up.
[696.1s] Like, I'm a fighter.
[697.1s] I've been so bored.
[699.1s] Just like, walking along.
[701.1s] I'm stoked that there is something to do.
[703.1s] Romain Broadsword dons his Broadsword and charges towards them, barreling them
[711.1s] down like bowling pins.
[712.1s] Halflings go flying everywhere.
[715.1s] Millie keeps score.
[719.1s] Thaddeus was getting his spell ready, but he noticed that it really doesn't need any
[724.1s] more help over there.
[726.1s] As the fighter charges forward and wrecks into all of these halflings, the remainder
[731.1s] of them seemingly having overestimated their abilities, flee back to the hills.
[738.1s] Shooting bows wildly behind them, arrows wildly, but saying like, pew, pew, pew.
[743.1s] You'll never catch us, pew, pew.
[750.1s] Having heard of the great mighty eagle.
[756.1s] Right as she was drinking.
[761.1s] We see them scaling the side of a mountain up to a high perch where a nest for a giant
[768.1s] eagle awaits them.
[771.1s] If I get up there, will there be an angry bird?
[775.1s] You don't know.
[778.1s] Wheel of pigmasks on for some reason?
[780.1s] Like, I don't know why.
[781.1s] What was happening in that game?
[782.1s] It's strange.
[783.1s] I never understood it.
[786.1s] He's quoting the movie.
[789.1s] It's all from the game.
[790.1s] The mighty eagle.
[791.1s] He's in the game too.
[792.1s] Oh, is he in the game?
[793.1s] See, I never played the game that far.
[794.1s] You call upon the mighty eagle to just destroy shit.
[797.1s] Anyways, you get up to, they get up to the nest.
[802.1s] And what do they find up there?
[805.1s] Nothing.
[808.1s] Cracked egg?
[809.1s] Oh, a clue.
[810.1s] That's better.
[811.1s] I like that better.
[812.1s] Like the board game clue?
[813.1s] No, no, no.
[814.1s] Like someone was like, haha, got your first sucker, want your egg, meet us at the
[819.1s] place where the sun is broken into a thousand colors.
[824.1s] What is this world you're describing?
[826.1s] I don't know, but it sounds magical.
[828.1s] Is it a stained glass palace?
[830.1s] Is that where the sun's broken into a thousand colors?
[833.1s] Could be.
[834.1s] Let's go there.
[835.1s] Russ wrote something out, but let's disregard it and go to this mythical castle.
[841.1s] Just kidding, Russ.
[842.1s] Just kidding.
[843.1s] As you finish reading this note that I remember exactly, mythical colors and stuff,
[850.1s] you hear a, they hear a giant caw from behind them and an eagle swoops towards them,
[857.1s] knocking them from the nest.
[859.1s] Damn it, that would have been an interesting side-adventure.
[864.1s] Grancis casts Featherfall as they tumble softly down to the ground.
[873.1s] You appear in a tropical city under a blazing sun.
[883.1s] The familiar sounds of a harbor, creaking ropes, slapping waves, heavy barrels rolling
[889.1s] across cobblestones mingle with voices shouting and cursing in an unfamiliar language
[895.1s] filled with clicks, inhalations, and sing-songy words that make it sound almost musical.
[901.1s] The aroma of unfamiliar spices and tropical fruit mixes with the wharf-side smells of
[907.1s] fish, tar, and canvas.
[910.1s] Beyond all that, as you step down onto the port, Port Nyanzaru is an explosion of color.
[917.1s] Buildings are painted in bright shades of blue, green, orange, and salmon pink,
[922.1s] or their walls are adorned with murals portraying giant reptiles and mythical heroes.
[928.1s] Every building sports baskets and clay urns of colorful flowers,
[933.1s] or is draped in leafy flowering vines.
[936.1s] Minstrels in bright clothing adorned with feathers and shells perform on street corners.
[941.1s] Multi-colored tenants and sun awnings flutter atop the city walls,
[946.1s] and a crowd of children dressed in feathered hats and capes races past you,
[950.1s] squealing in delighted terror as a street performer,
[953.1s] costumed as a big-toothed lizard stomps and roars behind them.
[958.1s] The whole city seems to be bustling, sweating, laughing, swearing, and singing.
[963.1s] You have come to Port Nyanzaru, part of Chult,
[969.1s] and you've come here under the premise that there is a job for you.
[975.1s] You know where you're supposed to be, and it's not till much later in the evening,
[980.1s] but you've heard of dinosaur races in this city.
[985.1s] Hey, so we got some time to kill.
[988.1s] What do you say we go check that out, maybe?
[992.1s] Some dinosaur racing?
[995.1s] Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[997.1s] I want to go see some dinos. Let's do it.
[1000.1s] All right, Romaine, you're in. How about you Thaddeus?
[1003.1s] Is there bedding on these races?
[1007.1s] I do like to lay the odd bet down now and then.
[1011.1s] Milly gives him the side eye hard, because we're married.
[1015.1s] Yeah, there's definite bedding.
[1017.1s] Milly, are you in for bedding or are you in for racing?
[1019.1s] I'm going to see if I can race one.
[1021.1s] I probably have to come, just keep an eye on you guys.
[1024.1s] I can place one bet though, right Milly?
[1027.1s] Yeah, we'll see.
[1029.1s] Okay.
[1031.1s] Milly's tough.
[1033.1s] We don't know what kind of shit he has gambled away.
[1036.1s] Exactly.
[1037.1s] I kind of feel like he has.
[1039.1s] I'm on Milly's side.
[1041.1s] You head down the streets of Port Naan's room to a large market ward.
[1049.1s] You enter an area where there appears to be makeshift bleachers set up all down this long path.
[1058.1s] You hear roars and snarls coming from inside a building.
[1064.1s] You see a man standing at what looks to be an open gate.
[1069.1s] He's taking presumably bets from people as they enter.
[1074.1s] Know your limits, stay within it.
[1077.1s] Thanks, British Columbia Lottery Corporation.
[1080.1s] Isn't there a different one for Alberta?
[1082.1s] Yeah, that's BC.
[1085.1s] That's some good advertising, it's in your brain.
[1088.1s] Don't chase your losses.
[1090.1s] They don't advertise the lottery very often.
[1092.1s] We just know it's there.
[1094.1s] Okay.
[1095.1s] Well, let's go see about that betting.
[1097.1s] Okay, yeah.
[1099.1s] I wander on over to the guy taking the money and say, what's the deal here, good sir?
[1105.1s] What kind of odds do we got going on?
[1107.1s] Oh, you're looking to make a big bet?
[1109.1s] What are you looking to make?
[1110.1s] I just like to bet, so, you know, whatever.
[1112.1s] Yeah, yeah, okay, I get you, I get you.
[1115.1s] As I'm kind of twitching?
[1117.1s] Sorry, sorry, go ahead, go ahead.
[1120.1s] Yeah, no, we got some good odds on the racers today.
[1123.1s] We got Big Honker, 7-1, that's 7-1.
[1125.1s] I think you want to put a little money down on him.
[1128.1s] I mean, that sounds pretty good.
[1129.1s] What else you got?
[1130.1s] Can we go look at the racers or we just got to get the information from you or what?
[1135.1s] Oh, you're new around here?
[1136.1s] Yeah.
[1137.1s] Yeah, our first time here at the Dyno Races.
[1139.1s] Oh, okay, yeah, come on, step right in, let me take you and see the racers.
[1144.1s] And he walks you into a stable area.
[1147.1s] And you see lining where you might otherwise see horses.
[1154.1s] You see large, well, young dinosaurs for the most part.
[1160.1s] He walks you in and he says, yeah, this one here, he's the 7-1, he's Big Honker.
[1164.1s] He's, yeah, oh, everybody loves him.
[1166.1s] As you can see, a lovely Tyrannosaurus Rex.
[1169.1s] Look at those, look at those legs.
[1171.1s] I mean, you catch him in the unchained race.
[1174.1s] He's probably going to be your best bet.
[1176.1s] But, you know, I don't know what kind of things you're into there.
[1181.1s] He continues you walking down and you step before a young Triceratops.
[1186.1s] And he says, this is Uptow's favorite.
[1190.1s] He's only 5-1, but it's still pretty good.
[1193.1s] You know, you're looking to make a little extra coin.
[1196.1s] Now, is that his name or is there someone named Uptow that that's his favorite dragon?
[1201.1s] Yes, and both.
[1203.1s] And it's a dinosaur, good sir.
[1205.1s] I'm sorry if I said dragon.
[1207.1s] You probably said the right thing.
[1209.1s] He's new here, right?
[1212.1s] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[1213.1s] You guys are bringing him on the tour around town.
[1215.1s] I get you.
[1217.1s] He walks you down.
[1218.1s] This one here, it's a Hadrosaur.
[1219.1s] A little bit slower, but still good odds.
[1222.1s] 3-1, Banana Candy is its name.
[1226.1s] I slapped that.
[1227.1s] Banana Candy.
[1229.1s] And I nod back like, OK, yeah, yeah.
[1233.1s] OK, OK, good, good.
[1235.1s] Now we're getting into some risky business, OK?
[1239.1s] These ones are like 2-1s, 1-2s, 1-3s, you know.
[1245.1s] And then you get down to the istes like 1-7.
[1247.1s] So we got Bone Cruncher, the Allosaurus, Grungsnomper, the Ankylosaurus,
[1254.1s] Scarback, another T-Rex there.
[1257.1s] I don't know if you can see around the corner.
[1259.1s] And we got up this side here, we got Nasty Boy, the Allosaurus.
[1263.1s] We got Jungle Princess, who's a Dynonychus, and Mountain Thunder.
[1268.1s] She's old, but she still has some fight left in her.
[1273.1s] What happens when they don't have any fight left in them?
[1275.1s] They go to a happy place.
[1277.1s] You send them out to a farm and they can run around for a while?
[1280.1s] A dinosaur farm?
[1282.1s] Yeah, it's a dinosaur farm.
[1284.1s] They live in the trees.
[1285.1s] They eat the vegetables.
[1287.1s] In the trees?
[1288.1s] Yeah.
[1289.1s] Within the trees.
[1290.1s] Not like inside the trees, lady.
[1293.1s] They live amongst the trees.
[1296.1s] Now, question.
[1297.1s] Where the dinosaurs live.
[1298.1s] What kind of transport do these dinosaurs...
[1300.1s] Do they take like a dinosaur train to get out to these farms?
[1306.1s] You're terrible.
[1307.1s] You waited until you were drinking.
[1309.1s] Right until you were drinking.
[1311.1s] Now I've got a dinosaur train stuck in my hand.
[1314.1s] It's never going to leave.
[1315.1s] What's a train?
[1319.1s] It's a mode of transportation.
[1322.1s] Interesting.
[1323.1s] We don't have those down here yet.
[1324.1s] We got boats and we got...
[1326.1s] They just walk because they're dinosaurs.
[1330.1s] So, alright.
[1332.1s] So you guys all looking to bet?
[1335.1s] Where to bet?
[1336.1s] Haseley wants to bet.
[1337.1s] Okay.
[1338.1s] Oh yeah.
[1339.1s] That's three bones.
[1340.1s] Hey, what's costs get riding in a race?
[1345.1s] Well, I don't know.
[1347.1s] Who's racing here?
[1348.1s] I mean, we've got a couple that don't have a rider today.
[1352.1s] Anybody who's looking to partake?
[1354.1s] What's your riding of animals' abilities?
[1358.1s] I mean, not very good on my account.
[1361.1s] I just usually like to bet on them.
[1363.1s] I don't do much riding.
[1365.1s] Sounds like you want to ride it.
[1367.1s] No, I said the exact opposite.
[1370.1s] This riding take got to be a pretty good athlete to ride, I guess, eh?
[1376.1s] So I'm a remarkable athlete, so...
[1379.1s] I bet.
[1380.1s] You look like a remarkable athlete.
[1381.1s] You look like you'd take out anybody here.
[1385.1s] So...
[1386.1s] Not me.
[1387.1s] How do we ride these things?
[1390.1s] You hop onto them and tell them to go.
[1392.1s] Okay.
[1393.1s] I mean, I guess I asked that question, but I meant how do we facilitate us being
[1399.1s] able to ride on them?
[1401.1s] We got to pay you or...?
[1403.1s] Okay.
[1404.1s] You tell me how good you are at riding animals, and I'll put a little...
[1407.1s] We'll put some odds against it.
[1409.1s] You win some money.
[1411.1s] It's good for us.
[1412.1s] It's good for you.
[1414.1s] You have a little fun riding a dinosaur.
[1418.1s] I'm very good.
[1420.1s] I will watch.
[1421.1s] I'm going to ride the dinosaur, yeah.
[1424.1s] Are you sure that's a good idea?
[1426.1s] Well, fuck yeah, but...
[1428.1s] I mean, I'm just going to place a bet on...
[1431.1s] What was it?
[1432.1s] Banana candy?
[1433.1s] Was that the one, Millie?
[1434.1s] Yeah.
[1435.1s] Oh yeah.
[1436.1s] I think banana candy was the one that she seemed to have her eyes on.
[1439.1s] Very well trained.
[1441.1s] I hope, I wish the best for your bet.
[1444.1s] How much would you like to put down?
[1446.1s] Millie, how much am I allowed to put down?
[1448.1s] I mean, what do you think?
[1449.1s] Like 10?
[1450.1s] Just 10?
[1451.1s] 10 gold pieces.
[1452.1s] Alright, we're going to throw 10.
[1453.1s] Gold piece?
[1454.1s] Alright.
[1455.1s] Is there any sort of concession stand around for maybe like a Jumbo Hot Dog or anything
[1460.1s] while we're watching the races?
[1461.1s] Yeah, you betcha.
[1462.1s] Yeah, you betcha.
[1463.1s] We'll get these two outfitted here on their Riders, on their Animals of Choice.
[1469.1s] And you guys can go ahead out there to the concession and get yourself a Prime
[1473.1s] Seat.
[1474.1s] Perfect, sounds good.
[1475.1s] Awesome.
[1476.1s] Don't die, you guys.
[1477.1s] Yeah, be safe.
[1478.1s] Oh yeah, totally.
[1479.1s] Yeah, I'm totally not going to die.
[1482.1s] It's fine.
[1483.1s] So you guys head back out to get your Jumbo Hot Dogs, which totally exist in this world.
[1488.1s] Yeah, is there the possibility of getting a giant foam finger while we're there as
[1493.1s] well?
[1494.1s] Maybe a souvenir stand?
[1495.1s] Not foam, maybe, but maybe like metal?
[1498.1s] Yeah, sure.
[1499.1s] Giant metal finger?
[1500.1s] Metal.
[1501.1s] Yeah.
[1502.1s] You can't wave it.
[1503.1s] It's like a big armor finger.
[1504.1s] Sure, yeah.
[1505.1s] There's a large finger made out of like, it's made out of like, yeah, probably
[1510.1s] bark.
[1511.1s] Okay.
[1512.1s] Bark would probably be a good facsimile for that.
[1514.1s] What if there's like a magician there and they like, can do like a little, some little
[1520.1s] like, buy a little Mage Hand thing so you like, have a big-
[1524.1s] Oh, that'd be fun.
[1525.1s] Like Mage Hand finger somehow.
[1526.1s] I like that.
[1527.1s] Yeah.
[1528.1s] That's fun.
[1529.1s] Not so heavy.
[1530.1s] Light.
[1531.1s] Light as anything.
[1532.1s] Yeah.
[1533.1s] I like it.
[1534.1s] They sell you a ring of Mage Hand that has one charge in it.
[1539.1s] It lasts for like 10 minutes or so.
[1542.1s] Yeah, let's do that.
[1544.1s] Perfect.
[1545.1s] So you guys go find a great seat with your ring of Mage Hand and your large snacks.
[1551.1s] We'll get you two who are sitting out to play other racers in the race so you're
[1556.1s] actually doing something.
[1557.1s] Okay.
[1558.1s] Sweet.
[1559.1s] I feel like I'm getting to play without the risk.
[1561.1s] Well, there's no risk.
[1563.1s] Who the fuck's Romaine Broadsword?
[1564.1s] I don't care about this dude.
[1566.1s] Also, he is not just a cocky asshole.
[1568.1s] He's actually really actually good at this.
[1570.1s] I'm reading equipment's last.
[1572.1s] I haven't got there on the character sheet yet.
[1574.1s] He has a warhorse.
[1575.1s] Like, he legit is a good rider.
[1576.1s] He's a good rider.
[1577.1s] Mm-hmm.
[1578.1s] Okay.
[1579.1s] So how this racing is going to work.
[1581.1s] You get my rainbow.
[1583.1s] It's a deck of cards and you have to predict the series of dice.
[1592.1s] No, don't make it complicated.
[1594.1s] We're so dumb, Russ.
[1595.1s] It's not complicated.
[1597.1s] Good.
[1598.1s] So racing.
[1599.1s] A race runs a length of 300 feet.
[1602.1s] So the race itself will determine how you jump over things.
[1607.1s] You do that as we go here.
[1609.1s] But every round, each rider makes a wisdom animal handling check.
[1614.1s] And the DC is different for the different types of dinosaurs.
[1618.1s] With each success, the animal moves forward at speed.
[1623.1s] So some go 50, 40, 30.
[1626.1s] 50 is the fastest they can go.
[1628.1s] We will keep a running tally.
[1630.1s] If the check fails, your turn does not increase.
[1635.1s] When someone equals or exceeds 300, that dinosaur crosses the finish line.
[1639.1s] And that racer wins.
[1641.1s] A racer can try to move the higher listed speed.
[1645.1s] So it almost doubles the numbers in some case.
[1650.1s] They say you'd roll with advantage.
[1653.1s] Essentially it'd be like whipping or lashing the animal to get it to go faster.
[1658.1s] What about just like a gentle encouragement?
[1660.1s] Sure.
[1662.1s] However, the dinosaur then has to succeed a constitution check.
[1666.1s] And if it doesn't make it, the speed is halved for the rest of the race.
[1672.1s] So no initiative is involved.
[1675.1s] Riders can make their animal checks in any order or all at the same time.
[1679.1s] If two or more dinosaurs cross the finish line in the same round,
[1682.1s] the one with the highest tally wins.
[1684.1s] If the tallies are the same, the racers are tied.
[1686.1s] In the event of a tie, brawls are likely to break out in trackside betting pools.
[1692.1s] Do you guys want to do an unchained event where dinosaurs can attack each other?
[1697.1s] Or do you want to just race it?
[1700.1s] Well, I think we want dinosaurs to attack each other.
[1703.1s] I can't speak for everyone, but I mean.
[1705.1s] I mean, I'm down.
[1708.1s] So I'll give you your plus attack.
[1712.1s] Depending on which racer or which dinosaur you pick,
[1715.1s] I'll give you some hit points and what damage they need that they have.
[1720.1s] Do you want to just roll us dinos?
[1723.1s] It seems more fair that way.
[1725.1s] What do you guys think?
[1727.1s] So there are one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.
[1734.1s] Of course, there's nine.
[1735.1s] There's no D9.
[1737.1s] Amy, you are going to be racing Jungle Princess, a Dynonychus with a frightened jockey.
[1745.1s] Awesome.
[1746.1s] So a Dynonychus has a speed of 40.
[1749.1s] And if you whip it, it goes 60.
[1752.1s] It has a skill check DC of 12.
[1755.1s] So when you roll your animal wisdom handling one, that's what you have to meet or beat.
[1760.1s] Tom, you're going to be racing Mountain Thunder, the aging Dimitrodon.
[1765.1s] Excellent Mountain Thunder.
[1769.1s] I think for a really good fight.
[1772.1s] Dimitrodon goes 30 and 50 if you whip it.
[1778.1s] What if I whip it real good?
[1780.1s] Skill check.
[1782.1s] Then it would go 50.
[1784.1s] Then you add that to the Spotify playlist and move on.
[1787.1s] Perfect.
[1788.1s] That's right.
[1789.1s] The skill check DC is eight.
[1791.1s] Carla, you are going to be racing Big Honker, the crowd-pleasing young Tyrannosaurus Rex.
[1800.1s] So the Tyrannosaurus Rex moves a speed of 50.
[1804.1s] And if you whip it, it goes 100.
[1808.1s] It has a skill check DC of 18.
[1811.1s] I feel like he's quite good in comparison.
[1816.1s] This is why it was better that we didn't pick, because this is crazy.
[1821.1s] Well, we need we need banana candy in this race.
[1824.1s] So that so Grancis will pilot it.
[1828.1s] Pilot banana candy, the well-trained Hadrosaurus.
[1834.1s] Hadrosaurus move 40 or 50 skill check DC of 10.
[1840.1s] All right, so you got your dinosaurs.
[1842.1s] We'll get you out to the start race.
[1844.1s] And then everybody just head for the end line.
[1848.1s] And this is an unchained event.
[1851.1s] So anything goes.
[1853.1s] If you feel like you need to take a strike at something, go for it.
[1860.1s] Okay.
[1861.1s] Yeah.
[1862.1s] All right.
[1863.1s] I mean, maybe.
[1864.1s] I don't know.
[1865.1s] I'm a frightened jockey.
[1867.1s] My jockey's name is Reginald.
[1876.1s] I had already forgotten that you were scared.
[1878.1s] So it was good character work.
[1880.1s] I was sincere.
[1881.1s] And Tom, what is your jockey's name?
[1883.1s] My jockey's name is Manos.
[1894.1s] Of course.
[1895.1s] Why wouldn't it be?
[1902.1s] Well, hello there.
[1903.1s] I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More.
[1904.1s] Merry Christmas.
[1905.1s] Happy winter solstice.
[1906.1s] Happy New Year to you.
[1908.1s] Thank you for joining us for episode 68 of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[1911.1s] Oh, boy.
[1913.1s] Hope you're enjoying this return of Grancis.
[1915.1s] I know I do.
[1916.1s] I can't speak for everyone else.
[1918.1s] They say they had fun, but that it also reminded them why Grancis was so irritating.
[1925.1s] Oh, boy.
[1926.1s] Starting today, December 26th, running through January 2nd, over in our T-Public store, linked in the description.
[1932.1s] When you visit, make a purchase, and enter the promo code DUMBDRAGON at checkout, you'll receive 30% off your entire order.
[1939.1s] We've partnered with T-Public to be able to offer some amazing savings to you to round out this year and to celebrate 2018,
[1946.1s] because it's been filled with tons of milestones for not only the podcast, but for us personally.
[1951.1s] And we're so happy to have been able to share that with you.
[1954.1s] So, one more time, visit our T-Public store, make some picks, and enter the promo code DUMBDRAGON at checkout to get 30% off your order from December 26th through January 2nd.
[1965.1s] It's the holiday, so I won't keep you much longer, but just a reminder, you can find us on Patreon.
[1970.1s] Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast, where for a monthly pledge you can join the amazing community of people who help us make this show better with every single episode.
[1979.1s] And if you listen to us and love the show we're creating, a review or a share of an episode to a friend or family member goes a long way.
[1986.1s] And to thank you, we're going to get back to reading those reviews.
[1989.1s] I know there's a couple in the queue, but we've just kind of worked so far ahead that we haven't had the chance.
[1994.1s] So once we're caught back up, we'll get back to reading those again and thanking you for being amazing.
[2000.1s] You can find all of our social media links and where to get a hold of us through our website, DumbDragons.com.
[2005.1s] And a big thanks to Sirenscape for some of the amazing atmosphere in this episode.
[2009.1s] Make sure you check them out at Sirenscape.com to bring your games to life.
[2013.1s] Links for everything mentioned today can be found in the description.
[2016.1s] The next episode will be out next Wednesday, January 2nd, where we'll continue this Grancis adventure.
[2021.1s] Have a great week. We'll talk in the new year.
[2024.1s] Alright, you get out to the start race and there is a countdown.
[2034.1s] Three, two, one, go!
[2039.1s] And everybody is off to the races.
[2042.1s] Everybody make your... no initiative. Everybody make your check.
[2048.1s] So this is the skill DC?
[2050.1s] I made mine.
[2052.1s] Plus animal handling.
[2053.1s] Alright, I got a 22.
[2056.1s] 12. I got a 12.
[2058.1s] Got a little too much to handle between your legs there, don't you?
[2061.1s] I do.
[2062.1s] Yeah.
[2063.1s] It's true.
[2064.1s] Meanwhile, my guy is doing real good, but I feel like he's got like saucer eyes.
[2069.1s] Like Reginald really just shouldn't be here.
[2071.1s] Like maybe he lost a bet or...
[2074.1s] Because what was your roll?
[2077.1s] I rolled a 15 plus 7.
[2079.1s] Oh damn, girl! I mean damn, boy!
[2082.1s] Because it's your Reginald.
[2084.1s] And Tom, you made it because you got higher than me.
[2087.1s] Yeah, 17 for me.
[2089.1s] Great, when can I bite someone because I'm not doing well in the racing part?
[2094.1s] When to grab the first tail that goes by me.
[2097.1s] Make that decision now.
[2099.1s] Great, I want to bite someone now.
[2101.1s] Okay, roll to attack and who are you biting?
[2104.1s] Uh...
[2106.1s] Who's the...
[2108.1s] Whoever Grancis is riding. I can't remember.
[2111.1s] He's riding...
[2112.1s] Not banana candy!
[2113.1s] He's riding banana candy.
[2115.1s] Oh no!
[2116.1s] He's been on banana candy.
[2117.1s] Banana, Carla.
[2118.1s] It does sound delicious.
[2120.1s] You know, in your defense, I understand.
[2125.1s] So that is a 24.
[2129.1s] 24 hits.
[2132.1s] As the start bell goes...
[2135.1s] Yeah, I'm going to say that stops my guy's movement.
[2138.1s] And then roll for damage.
[2141.1s] Uh, 16.
[2144.1s] Holy shit.
[2145.1s] That would have killed my dinosaur.
[2147.1s] Banana candy?
[2148.1s] Just call my dinosaur banana.
[2150.1s] As the start bell goes,
[2153.1s] Mountain Thunder and Jungle Princess
[2158.1s] leap off of the start line
[2160.1s] as Big Anchor takes a Big Chomper
[2163.1s] out of banana candy
[2165.1s] who is knocked to the ground
[2167.1s] as she is trying to leap out in front.
[2172.1s] It's really rude.
[2173.1s] I feel like she took like one step
[2175.1s] and Big Chomper got her tail.
[2177.1s] It was just like face plant.
[2179.1s] It was rude.
[2180.1s] We cut back to the crowd
[2181.1s] and we see the Mage Hand
[2183.1s] that did have like the number one finger in the air
[2186.1s] has now been changed to just an upside down thumbs down.
[2190.1s] You don't think this Bloodthirsty Dino Racing crowd
[2193.1s] is into this?
[2194.1s] They're into it.
[2195.1s] Yeah, but our best just got chomped.
[2197.1s] Oh, I see.
[2198.1s] I'm sorry.
[2199.1s] Your specific one.
[2200.1s] We bet on this, you ass.
[2202.1s] Your specific one.
[2203.1s] I thought you meant like the whole crowd.
[2205.1s] The crowd has not turned against me.
[2207.1s] They love it.
[2208.1s] Yeah, no, no.
[2209.1s] That's fair.
[2210.1s] That's fair.
[2211.1s] Okay.
[2212.1s] So the T-Rex is on top of the Hadrosaurus
[2214.1s] and the Dimitrodon and Dynonychus
[2217.1s] have jumped forward 30 feet each.
[2221.1s] Shouldn't I go 40 feet?
[2222.1s] Yep.
[2223.1s] Yeah.
[2224.1s] Yep.
[2225.1s] 40 feet.
[2226.1s] Just testing me.
[2228.1s] Clearly showing the efficiency
[2231.1s] of proper riders of dinosaurs, obviously.
[2234.1s] Beginning of round two.
[2237.1s] Oh, yes, 23.
[2243.1s] The Hadrosaur is going to hit at the T-Rex
[2249.1s] as it is on top of it with a crit 20.
[2254.1s] Damn.
[2255.1s] Damn.
[2256.1s] We're going to see some Dino murder.
[2258.1s] So you made yours, Tom?
[2260.1s] Oh, yeah, I made mine.
[2261.1s] Critical fail.
[2262.1s] Oh, no.
[2265.1s] Mountain Thunder kind of sits down
[2267.1s] and takes a little break
[2269.1s] because she's getting older.
[2270.1s] She's very old.
[2271.1s] Yep.
[2272.1s] And it's like a freestyle race
[2274.1s] so she can do whatever she wants.
[2277.1s] Whereas Jungle Princess surges forward
[2279.1s] another 40 feet
[2281.1s] and the damage to the T-Rex,
[2284.1s] that's going to be 11.
[2286.1s] 11 damage to you.
[2288.1s] That's the most of the damage.
[2289.1s] What does T-Rex do there?
[2292.1s] Oh, I got an 11.
[2295.1s] I rolled an 11.
[2296.1s] To hit or to run?
[2298.1s] To run.
[2299.1s] I don't care.
[2300.1s] You're being attacked right now, too.
[2301.1s] I got to fight back, right.
[2303.1s] Right, right.
[2304.1s] You don't have to.
[2305.1s] I mean, you can, but...
[2306.1s] Okay, yeah, I'll fight back.
[2308.1s] That's a 24.
[2310.1s] Yep, that's going to hit.
[2312.1s] And that is a 14 damage.
[2316.1s] So as the Hadrosaur strikes the T-Rex,
[2319.1s] it rears its head back
[2321.1s] and snaps the Hadrosaur's neck.
[2324.1s] And Grancis yells,
[2326.1s] Oh, what are you doing to my...
[2328.1s] I just wanted to raise dinosaurs.
[2330.1s] Fuck.
[2332.1s] I play this game to win.
[2334.1s] Alright, so Grancis and the Hadrosaur are out.
[2338.1s] Alright, everybody roll your round.
[2341.1s] We cut back to Thaddeus in the crowd
[2344.1s] and he's on his knees, arms in the air.
[2346.1s] Banana candy.
[2348.1s] You are too beautiful to live.
[2352.1s] 11 is just not quite...
[2356.1s] Oh, that's better.
[2358.1s] I got a 22 that time.
[2360.1s] Oh, good one.
[2361.1s] I got a 10.
[2362.1s] So great.
[2364.1s] Carla, what's happening?
[2366.1s] I'm real good at chomping.
[2367.1s] I'm not very good at moving.
[2369.1s] Yeah, roll again there
[2370.1s] because you guys are now separated.
[2372.1s] Everybody...
[2373.1s] I'm ahead.
[2374.1s] 17.
[2375.1s] That's a good...
[2376.1s] Okay.
[2377.1s] Oh, can I also pee?
[2379.1s] Can I...
[2380.1s] Roll to pee.
[2381.1s] Can my dinosaur roll to pee, like,
[2383.1s] urinate while she's running
[2385.1s] to make the course slick and or disgusting
[2387.1s] for other dinosaurs to run through?
[2389.1s] Yeah, absolutely.
[2390.1s] Go for it.
[2392.1s] You don't have to roll to pee.
[2393.1s] You can just pee.
[2394.1s] Okay, I just want to pee.
[2395.1s] Or tell me how Reginald tells your dinosaur to pee.
[2398.1s] He tickles her in the ear,
[2399.1s] like the ear hole that lizards have.
[2401.1s] And she just pees.
[2403.1s] Alright.
[2404.1s] Either of you moving?
[2406.1s] I rolled a 12.
[2408.1s] Can I move yet?
[2409.1s] No?
[2410.1s] Maybe start lashing your dinosaur.
[2412.1s] No, I love it.
[2413.1s] I'm just at the front like,
[2414.1s] fuck yeah, I killed it.
[2416.1s] And I'm not even moving.
[2417.1s] Your dinosaur's just eating the other dinosaur.
[2419.1s] At this point, you're like,
[2420.1s] yeah, you earned that snack.
[2422.1s] How does Romaine react to a dinosaur
[2424.1s] that's not moving in a race
[2426.1s] where he's trying to win?
[2429.1s] I think he still feels like he's doing good
[2433.1s] at this point because he killed that other dinosaur.
[2438.1s] It's sort of like,
[2440.1s] this is coming from the dinosaur's perspective,
[2442.1s] but it's like when you have falcons,
[2445.1s] like, you know, people train falcons.
[2447.1s] You can only feed them a certain amount
[2449.1s] because if you feed them too much,
[2451.1s] they won't chase the thing you want them to.
[2453.1s] But if you feed them too little,
[2454.1s] they'll just be like,
[2455.1s] see you later, idiot, and never come back.
[2458.1s] It's a very fine line.
[2459.1s] So with this dinosaur,
[2461.1s] probably attacking right away
[2463.1s] was not my best strategy in hindsight
[2468.1s] because the T-Rex just wants to chomp,
[2470.1s] and it did.
[2471.1s] I feel like, though,
[2472.1s] you've changed the rules of the game for yourself.
[2474.1s] I have a feeling like you have a huge hubris.
[2476.1s] Like, nothing ever doesn't really go your way.
[2480.1s] You just change your perception.
[2481.1s] So you're like,
[2482.1s] oh, no, no, I'm not in it to win the race.
[2485.1s] I don't care about the race.
[2487.1s] Did you see that I killed that dinosaur?
[2489.1s] Exactly.
[2490.1s] Well, I'm going to give you the option
[2491.1s] that the stable full of dinosaurs is now behind you.
[2496.1s] Oh, gosh.
[2497.1s] If I want to switch?
[2498.1s] If you want to massacre it?
[2500.1s] Yeah, like...
[2502.1s] It's got the taste for blood.
[2503.1s] He's just telling you it's there.
[2504.1s] He's giving you the options.
[2505.1s] He's just telling you it's there.
[2506.1s] Okay.
[2507.1s] Jungle Princess surges forward ahead.
[2510.1s] Mountain Thunder comes upon a pea spot.
[2513.1s] Roll a dexterity saving throw there, Tom.
[2517.1s] Roll to dodge pea.
[2519.1s] Dodge pea.
[2521.1s] So that's a 16 without any bonuses.
[2524.1s] So it probably went pretty well for Mountain Thunder.
[2526.1s] Mountain Thunder just steps in.
[2527.1s] She's used to just stepping through piles of pea
[2530.1s] and surges forward.
[2532.1s] She's seen it all.
[2533.1s] Another 30 feet.
[2534.1s] Roll again.
[2536.1s] So do I have to state that I want to start whipping now before I roll?
[2541.1s] Yeah, because it...
[2542.1s] Okay.
[2543.1s] And what was the roll again?
[2544.1s] It was like wisdom for me and then constitution for the dinosaur?
[2546.1s] So you roll with advantage.
[2549.1s] Okay.
[2554.1s] I'm going to remain so good at this.
[2556.1s] Okay.
[2557.1s] So first roll was another critical fail.
[2558.1s] So good thing I have advantage.
[2561.1s] All right.
[2562.1s] Much better.
[2563.1s] That's a 17.
[2564.1s] Okay.
[2565.1s] So yeah.
[2566.1s] She will move her higher speed, which is 50.
[2571.1s] 50, you said.
[2572.1s] Yep.
[2573.1s] So you surge forward and you don't move.
[2576.1s] You actually surpass Jungle Princess.
[2580.1s] Now you must make a constant...
[2582.1s] Sorry.
[2583.1s] What's going on back in T-Rex land?
[2585.1s] Oh, I rolled a three, so that's an eight.
[2588.1s] So I'm still just hanging out.
[2590.1s] But what I think is happening is that...
[2593.1s] You're just playing possum, letting us feel good about our lead?
[2596.1s] No, no.
[2597.1s] I think big honker is like head up, blood dripping.
[2604.1s] Kind of turns his head towards the crowd, and it's just kind of like checking out all
[2610.1s] those soft-bodied humans.
[2612.1s] Are you not entertained?
[2614.1s] Maybe Romaine is starting to think, I don't know if this was the best choice I could
[2620.1s] have made, but I don't know.
[2622.1s] He's not a smart man.
[2623.1s] Nope.
[2624.1s] That's fair.
[2625.1s] Okay.
[2626.1s] So yeah.
[2627.1s] Constitution saving throw for Mountain Thunder.
[2630.1s] That's a 14.
[2632.1s] I don't know what Mountain Thunder's bonuses are.
[2634.1s] I'll give you a con plus there for...
[2637.1s] Oh, plus two.
[2638.1s] So 16.
[2639.1s] Okay.
[2640.1s] So you have made it because you need to beat a 15.
[2643.1s] So you're not moving half speed.
[2646.1s] Excellent.
[2647.1s] Do that again.
[2648.1s] Okay.
[2649.1s] Do it again.
[2650.1s] We're at 140 feet.
[2651.1s] Jungle or Mountain Thunder is currently in the lead.
[2655.1s] You know, Carla, if you put the pedal to the metal, your dinosaur can move 100
[2659.1s] feet.
[2660.1s] You can basically lap us in two turns.
[2663.1s] But I have to say that before I roll, right?
[2666.1s] That was not a good roll for Mountain Thunder.
[2668.1s] I already rolled and I actually am moving this time, so I don't want to redo it
[2673.1s] because I rolled a 23.
[2675.1s] Nice.
[2676.1s] Okay.
[2677.1s] So Big Honker surges forward 50 feet.
[2682.1s] Neither of you moved?
[2684.1s] No.
[2685.1s] No, I got a three.
[2687.1s] I got a four.
[2689.1s] Stopping to smell the vendors.
[2691.1s] Oh, yeah.
[2692.1s] I mean, maybe.
[2693.1s] Okay.
[2694.1s] You get knocked over by one of the vendors there.
[2697.1s] Jungle Princess.
[2698.1s] So you're scrambling to get back up.
[2700.1s] Whereas Mountain Thunder is just, like, taking a deep breath because she's very
[2704.1s] tired now that she surged forward.
[2706.1s] Winded.
[2707.1s] Right.
[2708.1s] Oh, winded.
[2709.1s] Little winded.
[2710.1s] All right.
[2711.1s] Again?
[2712.1s] Again.
[2713.1s] There we go.
[2714.1s] 21.
[2715.1s] That's much better.
[2716.1s] 17.
[2718.1s] Nine.
[2719.1s] It's a nine for me.
[2721.1s] Nine.
[2722.1s] I need to remember to say that I'm going two.
[2727.1s] Yeah, me too.
[2729.1s] Now that I've started to move, I think Romaine is like, well, fuck, now it looks like
[2733.1s] I'm trying, so I better fucking try.
[2735.1s] So still in the lead, but within 10 feet, Mountain Thunder and Jungle Princess are
[2741.1s] at the front, whereas Big Honker, he's doing something.
[2746.1s] It's way back.
[2747.1s] Way back.
[2748.1s] What number are we going to?
[2749.1s] What's winning number?
[2750.1s] 300.
[2751.1s] 300.
[2752.1s] So you're over halfway there.
[2753.1s] The crowd is cheering as you round the final corner to head back towards the finish
[2757.1s] line.
[2758.1s] Roll.
[2759.1s] I'm going to try to, I'm going to try to whip the dino.
[2764.1s] Okay.
[2765.1s] At 12, which...
[2768.1s] What does it mean if I try to whip the dino?
[2771.1s] You roll with advantage, and then it's going to make a con save.
[2775.1s] Okay.
[2776.1s] Well, let's see if I can do better than that, too.
[2780.1s] Oh!
[2781.1s] And roll the nat 20.
[2785.1s] It's really exciting.
[2786.1s] Oh, well, the dinosaur shouldn't even have to make a con roll, then, if you nail the
[2790.1s] first one.
[2791.1s] It's okay.
[2792.1s] What's...
[2793.1s] Plus three to your con.
[2794.1s] Yeah.
[2795.1s] Plus 10.
[2796.1s] You just have to beat 10.
[2797.1s] Oh, that's pretty good.
[2799.1s] Yeah.
[2800.1s] 17.
[2801.1s] Then you got it.
[2802.1s] So surging out of nowhere, Big Honker runs up 100 feet behind, snarling as he's being
[2809.1s] whipped by Romaine.
[2811.1s] Mountain Thunder, slow and steady, wins the race within 100 feet, but you hear the
[2816.1s] snaps and snarls of Big Honker coming up behind you.
[2820.1s] Roll again.
[2822.1s] Okay.
[2823.1s] I want to search.
[2824.1s] Okay.
[2825.1s] Oh, I didn't even need to roll advantage.
[2828.1s] Again.
[2829.1s] 24.
[2831.1s] And it's also a 24.
[2835.1s] What?
[2836.1s] Can I try and surge again?
[2838.1s] What are the surging rules?
[2839.1s] Surge as many times as you want, if it doesn't make the con save.
[2842.1s] It's like I always say, if you're gonna run in a race, you might as well ride a
[2847.1s] T-Rex.
[2848.1s] That's right.
[2849.1s] What do I have to beat?
[2850.1s] 10?
[2851.1s] 10.
[2852.1s] Well, I got it.
[2853.1s] 13.
[2854.1s] A crit fail on the ones.
[2855.1s] But again, you have advantage, so.
[2858.1s] Yeah.
[2859.1s] 13.
[2860.1s] Does 13 do I move?
[2862.1s] 13.
[2863.1s] Yeah, so you surge.
[2865.1s] So, blowing past.
[2868.1s] Everybody?
[2869.1s] Everybody.
[2870.1s] How fast does yours go when it's going super fast?
[2873.1s] 100 feet.
[2875.1s] 60.
[2876.1s] Okay, so blowing past everybody, the T-Rex goes to 250 feet.
[2883.1s] However, just as the T-Rex is catching up, Jungle Princess and her frightened rider who
[2890.1s] find it, saw that big honker destroyed another dinosaur and doesn't want his dinosaur destroyed,
[2898.1s] blows past the finish line.
[2900.1s] Just to be clear, this is his boss's dinosaur.
[2903.1s] His boss last minute said, I'm too hung over to ride you do it, and he's just
[2908.1s] like, he's like, he's a guy who puts a saddle on the dinosaur.
[2913.1s] Like, he's not.
[2914.1s] That's why he's so scared.
[2917.1s] Makes sense.
[2918.1s] As you pull past the finish line, everybody cheers and goes run down, run down to the,
[2923.1s] to the bookie and mad dash for money.
[2927.1s] You see some older people in the crowd just throw their arms down because it looked
[2931.1s] like Mountain Thunder might have won this time around.
[2934.1s] And they were pulling, they were pulling for her.
[2937.1s] But that is the end of the race.
[2940.1s] And Grants is still at the start line.
[2943.1s] I just wanted to fucking ride a dinosaur.
[2946.1s] Romaine, Jesus.
[2947.1s] Just like comforting his poor dead dinosaur.
[2950.1s] It's like dying in his arms.
[2952.1s] So sad.
[2953.1s] Romaine is such a dick.
[2958.1s] Is he going to name this dinosaur's baby after himself now?
[2962.1s] Yep.
[2967.1s] Yep.
[2972.1s] I don't feel bad that I killed his dinosaur anymore.
[2977.1s] You shouldn't at all.
[2981.1s] That was fun.
[2982.1s] I mean, I didn't win, but I didn't kill that other dinosaur.
[2985.1s] Would have been more fun if your dinosaur didn't eat my dinosaur.
[2988.1s] Jesus.
[2989.1s] Well, what are you going to do?
[2990.1s] It's a T-Rex eat dinosaur world, eh?
[2993.1s] We didn't even leave the start line.
[2996.1s] Millie comes down from the stands and was like, great fun.
[3000.1s] My favorite part was how you ate ten gold pieces of mine.
[3003.1s] And now you owe me ten gold pieces.
[3008.1s] Yeah, me too for ruining my fun.
[3015.1s] Romaine's the worst.
[3018.1s] Romaine is the worst.
[3021.1s] And I gave everyone E. coli.
[3023.1s] Right?
[3024.1s] Perfect.
[3025.1s] You don't know that yet?
[3026.1s] You're going to find out.
[3031.1s] We flash to later on in the day and the group has met up with the person who has the job for them.
[3040.1s] And they give them a job and saying a small town outside of Port Nianzeru is being overrun and looted frequently by orcs and bug bears.
[3053.1s] Everybody agrees that they will take the job because it pays quite, quite heartily.
[3060.1s] And we see them later in a cave surrounded by an entire tribe of orcs and bug bears.
[3074.1s] It's much larger than it was let on.
[3078.1s] With their backs to the walls, we see within Grancis a spark of lightning.
[3085.1s] And he lets the largest lightning bolt go into this cave.
[3094.1s] And as the dust settles, only he and Thaddeus are moving.
[3102.1s] Everyone else has died.
[3109.1s] We flash to a couple years later and Grancis is sitting alone in his room.
[3118.1s] It's a rainy day and he is staring out into nothing really.
[3129.1s] When through from under the door behind him slides a letter, picks it up, and on the seal is a single eye.
[3159.1s] Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of Incompetech.Filmmusic.io
[3169.1s] It's just crying and I'm over here going, it's Hogwarts.
[3175.1s] And then you said Mage Hand and feathers and I'm like, Wingardium Leviosa.
[3181.1s] And I'm a nerd.
[3183.1s] And then.
[3184.1s] Look at me now.
[3186.1s] Paisley had some thoughts on it, too.
[3188.1s] Yep.
[3189.1s] She's getting very emotional about the return of Grancis.
[3192.1s] She's been waiting so long.
[3194.1s] It's like childhood.
[3196.1s] We're really getting in deep here.
[3198.1s] That's all I'm saying.
[3200.1s] All right.
[3201.1s] Feather ball.
[3202.1s] I'm trying to laugh.
[3203.1s] Amy has it.
[3204.1s] So tragic all of a sudden.
[3206.1s] Your face is a smile, Tom.
[3208.1s] I don't know what you're talking about.
[3210.1s] I was emotionally invested, Raz.
[3212.1s] I was feeling kind of sad about it.
[3214.1s] Two wieners.
[3215.1s] Cold hearted.
[3216.1s] Amy's laughing.
[3217.1s] I knew the baby's name was going to be Grancy and I was just.
[3224.1s] It lost some of the emotional resonance for you.
[3226.1s] Yes.
[3227.1s] I primed myself for the funniness of Grancy.
[3230.1s] Got size swiped by the tragedy.
[3233.1s] I was already laughing.
[3235.1s] It was too late.
[3236.1s] I'm a monster.
[3238.1s] Sorry.
[3239.1s] Would you like to do that again?
[3241.1s] No.
[3242.1s] You stopped before or I stopped before.
[3244.1s] So it's good.
[3245.1s] God.
[3246.1s] So now this is where you three come in.
[3248.1s] We need to come up with three scenes or two to three scenes of things that they go off to do before we jump into one.
[3256.1s] Question.
[3257.1s] Yeah.
[3258.1s] OK.
[3259.1s] So Marge doesn't sound like quite a standard lady.
[3264.1s] No.
[3265.1s] Margie.
[3266.1s] She's a standout lady.
[3267.1s] She ain't a standard lady.
[3269.1s] I had a note like sounds like a pretty standard lady.
[3273.1s] I don't know.
[3274.1s] Right.
[3275.1s] But I just need to right now.
[3276.1s] So you're telling me that Margie died during childbirth and then Grancis named her daughter after himself.
[3286.1s] That's right.
[3287.1s] That's exactly correct.
[3288.1s] OK.
[3289.1s] I just had to be clear.
[3294.1s] I hope her middle name is Margie.
[3297.1s] Right.
[3298.1s] Sheepers.
[3299.1s] It's not.
[3300.1s] It's Francie.
[3301.1s] It's Grancila.
[3302.1s] Francis.
[3303.1s] I mean, he did also just leave to go adventuring and like leave his three-year-old daughter.
[3310.1s] Sure.
[3311.1s] Yep.
[3312.1s] Maybe he's not father of the year.
[3313.1s] We're going to find out more about that in the regular game as we get to know Grancy.
[3317.1s] Totally.
[3318.1s] Oh, anyway, adventures.
[3321.1s] Excuse the sheep that's in front of you.
[3326.1s] So seven.
[3327.1s] Am I looking at that right?
[3330.1s] Wisdom.
[3331.1s] So plus proficiency.
[3332.1s] Seven.
[3333.1s] Sure.
[3334.1s] Yeah.
[3335.1s] Let's do that.
[3336.1s] What do you mean let's do that?
[3338.1s] That's what it is.
[3339.1s] Because it's not our wisdom plus, right?
[3341.1s] It's our actual wisdom number.
[3343.1s] Plus proficiency.
[3344.1s] It's wisdom.
[3345.1s] Yeah.
[3346.1s] So.
[3347.1s] So 12, not plus one.
[3348.1s] Oh.
[3349.1s] Then.
[3350.1s] Yeah.
[3351.1s] OK.
[3352.1s] Then that should be 20.
[3353.1s] No.
[3354.1s] No, no, no.
[3355.1s] It should be the plus numbers.
[3356.1s] Hold on.
[3357.1s] It's the plus number.
[3358.1s] So yeah.
[3359.1s] Plus seven.
[3360.1s] So for Amy's because she has a wisdom of 16, she gets a plus three.
[3362.1s] OK.
[3363.1s] She's a real smarty.
[3364.1s] Plus proficiency of plus four.
[3365.1s] OK.
[3366.1s] I'm super smart.
[3367.1s] So I have plus five.
[3368.1s] I'm not that smart.
[3369.1s] I got a 22.
[3370.1s] Do I roll a d20?
[3371.1s] How do you play this game?
[3372.1s] Yes.
[3373.1s] You roll a d20.
[3374.1s] This is a little, this is a little peek behind the curtain for what Russ has to
[3382.1s] deal with every time we do anything slightly different.
[3384.1s] This has legitimately been a long time since we've rolled a dice.
[3388.1s] Anything with a skill check as well is like, come on.
[3391.1s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.